What do you think of my poem? explain why..?

it's good but to me it could do with being more dramatic, becuase it reads like performace poetry the way it rises and falls in tone, you start the poem with your, then say her, so it jumps from the 1st person to 3rd person, it seems like you ment it that way? i'm not sure what to make of darkness like that of yesterdays sunset it seem like your just trying to be poetic for the sake of it as i've never seen a dark sunset, i understand what is ment but to me it dosen't work. anyway hope you don't mind saying these things? i'm olny commenting because i really like it. well done